if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
