shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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