he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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