Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
