You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
