i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
