its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
