I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
