Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
