dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
