just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
