I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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