You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
