Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
