I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
