plz talk dirty to me
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
