If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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