Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
