How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
