how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
