when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
