You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
