Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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