It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
