Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
