And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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