And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Your dad touched me again.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
