you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
