It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
