if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
