Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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