he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
