you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
