I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
