Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
