me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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