We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Randomize
