just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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