I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
