He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
