Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
