gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
