I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
