All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
