no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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