my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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