Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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