I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
