i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
