I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
