That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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