eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
